My first instinct when I began writing this was to admit or declare my awareness that no one else would be reading my blog--that no one else would actually be interested, I'd just be another person complaining about their life on the internet. If, in fact, no one is reading this, its funny that I'm trying to defend myself but its something I always do. I live as if I'm famous--not in the diva and confident manner this statement implies but in a "what are the tabloids going to say about me?" type of way. If I say this, who will be offended/disgusted by it? Who will look down on me or think I'm pathetic/arrogant/close minded or crazy? If I do this or wear that, what will they be thinking? How will they categorize me?
I realize this type of insecurity is probably normal for high school to college aged women but isn't it weird that its gone past the actual act and into my mind? I have to defend myself to the voices inside my head and while this sounds crazy in some ways, it sounds like something a responsible adult needs to do--question your assumptions, stay grounded/realistic etc. Even now I wonder what a psychologist would think if they read this. Would I be a classic case of ______ or just another girl struggling with self-esteem/insecurity issues? Which is better? If I were a product, what would the reviews say and what would I want them to say?
Why am I so crazy?! lol
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